Strike & the 3 second rule

14 months ago…

…

(its March, so stop calculating >_<)

Anyway, in one of those boring class days in March 2006, seriously 3 hours of blabbing about life insurance is not really interesting. I was so bored that I was playing "paper chess" with my colleague. I mean how desperate we can get.."Paper chess"..Maybe I'll dedicate another post on how we played it.

Ok Back to our topic, ( *sighs* I should stop drifting off-topic), our professor brought the unusual news; "all the colleges are going on a strike". While my colleagues were enlightened with joy, I was confused. The term "strike" had only one definition in my dictionary and it's the one related to bowling.

Our professor assured us that the strike will last for a couple of days…

…

..

It lasted for 3 weeks.

The best part was that students are NOT the ones behind the strike. It was because of some conflicts between the professors and the management. How awesome is that.

So here I was sitting at home. Other than my 11 hours of Halo 2 videogaming day and my morning ritual to the community center to read books, I was doing nothing. So, I decided to take driving lessons. Little did I know that 2 months later, I'd be hired as the designated driver who'll be driving my friends who get wasted in the clubs/bars or any drinking involved party.

I had this weird wanna be cool instructor. By my 2^nd lesson, he was attempting to teach me to look at the rear mirror by saying:

"hamza, you should look at your mirror frequently. Use the 3 second rule. Its like looking at a woman's boobs. At the face for 3 seconds, then DOWN her boobs for one second…3 seconds at the face and DOWN one second at the boobs. Ok? BUT, with the mirror you look UP. So 3 seconds around you… one second UP the mirror..3 seconds around you..one second UPthe mirror"

It was effective when it came to driving.

Speaking to myself; "Ok hamza, 3 seconds around…one second UP..3 seconds around….one second UP…3 seconds around..one second up"

"STOP STARING AT MY BOOBS YOU PERVERT"

UPDATE: for those who didn't get it, (which is most of you) the point is that my mind was fixated on the 3 second rule to the extent I started staring at womens' boobs for 3 seconds, face one second...3 seconds on boobs, one second at face...GOT it?

I should never blog at 4 a.m

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CAMPIONI DEL EUROPA

After a stuttering start to the campaign and a season plagued with injuries, AC Milan proved once more that they were born champions as they triumphed for the 7^th time lifting the UEFA champions League Cup.

The last time I was that joyful was the 10^th of July 2006 when Italy won the World Cup of 2006. It surpasses the time I got my SAP Certification, I got my first pay cheque, first job, and even the time I went for the Holy Pilgrimage…Hey, I heard you out there..I am not shallow. It's just a joy of a unique flavor that surpasses all the other significant achievements I've done in the last year. Nothing could ruin my mood.

VIVA ROSSONERI :D

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My Birthdate

Your Birthdate: May 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature. Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas. People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life. You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone. Your strength: Your thirst for adventure Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures Your power color: Hot pink Your power symbol: Figure eight Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

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Bugging Beggars

I hate it when they approach me. I always feel this dilemma whether I shall give them or not. The toughest part is you never know whether these people are sincere or not.

Lately, I have vowed to myself to donate more money to the poor. In addition to the religious benefits, I will feel spiritually better if I make my own contribution to society and help in drawing a smile on the face of the miserable.

I am willing to donate for any cause except:

1. People with sawed off hands in Saudi Arabia ----because they were former thiefs
   
2. Building more mosques ---in my neighborhood, there are 8 mosques. Only 3 of them are in excellent conditions. The rest are either small, dirty or not air conditioned. I'd rather have all that money used in building the other 5 mosques spent in improving the current ones. Having 3 or 4 good mosques is much better than having 8 mosques in low conditions
   

I still need to figure out the best approach. Shall I donate a specified percentage each month to those non-profitable organization such as Cancer Association, People with disabilities etc. These organizations will distribute money accordingly. However, it would be more meaningful and valuable if you see someone in need and give him/her the money personally. They'll greatly appreciate it, thank you and some might pray for you.

But the toughest part is that I am not good at understanding people. It is hard to tell if the person is truthful or not. You might argue that what is important is the good intention. But I still don't want to feel that I've been robbed by someone who exploited my sympathy.

You see a lot of those guys especially in mosques after Friday prayer. He'd stand up and complain how his mom died of prostate cancer, his wife is divorced, and his brother was nuked. He'd be carrying his passed-out son who was diagnosed of breast cancer and will die if he wasn't operated. I'd feel sorry for him, but I'll still hesitate and think million times before donating money.

The other day I was sitting in a coffee shop with my friend. A young, Indonesian kid who is 5 to 6 years old passes by us and using this heart-breaking tone to beg us to buy gums from him. I felt sorry for him and I gave him some money. Half an hour later, the same kid comes by. Or at least I think it is him. All Indonesian kids shave their heads that its hard to tell them apart…no wait, it is HIM. My friend scolded him because I already gave him money so why did he come back. The kid, trying to act clueless, denied that he got any money from me. Now that was unbelievable. I was very furious that for the first time in my life I felt like raping (killing) a kid. I was doing all those gruesome stuff to him in my head

Another funny story I recall was when we were sitting at a different coffee shop in the same area. A young 7 or 8 year old girl approaches my friend:

"Please buy from meeeeee"

Him: ……

"May God grant you a son"

Him: "I am not even married"

"May God bless you with a daughter"

……

"May God open the doors of Heaven for you"

….

At the moment, I think she was telling herself that this guy cannot be marketed by the normal punch lines. So she had to go with tactics 2:

"May God give you a Maybech"

Loooooool. I laughed from the top of my lungs. It was hilarious. This girl is in the road begging for money and she knows the Maybech. My friend was confused and didn't even know about it. While I was trying to explain to him that this is the luxurious car ever, she goes:

"May God give you a HUMMER"

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Memorable Class moments

One of the dozen things that I miss about class room environments is the interactions/distractions between students or students and teachers. Each class had its unique flavor and I've laughed at hundreds of jokes throughout those 20 years of studies

I can't seem to recall many, but I can definitely make my top 5 list. It includes disturbing, embarrassing, hilarious and even disgusting distractions. So here we go:

________________________________________________________________________________

No.5: Year:1998---------Grade 8--------Biology Class

Me: why aren't you taking notes?

Him: noo..today is a different day for me. I have grown up. I have reached a new level in my life. I shall act different. I shall be treated differently…I (bla bla bla)..I (bla bla bla)

Me (giving him this skeptical look): dude, what the hell happened to you?

Him (whispering): I had my first wet dream ;)

_________________________________________________________________________________

No. 4: Year: 2005--------Sheridan college-----Income Tax Class

It was our first income class exam. *sniffle sniffle*. We were all stressed out. We had to memorize all those different numbers such as taxable percentage that range from 16% to 29% and the income range for each ratio..*sniffle sniffle*. We had to memorize the threshold for spousal allowance, educational allowance *sniffle sniffle*..God, it is horrible. 2 page study case *sniffle sniffle* and any small mistake in calculating any value, taxable income, RRSP allowance and whether they are eligible for credits or not..*sniffle sniffle* I have to do at least 20 steps before *sniffle sniffle*

"WOULD SOMEBODY GIVE THE GOD DAMN GUY SOME TISSUE PAPER?"

B-tek's voice resonating in our ears as we were all shocked (including our professor) with the sudden burst. Cautiously, our professor gave him the tissues and was gesturing with his face "its ok, no need to panic"

"DON'T GIVE IT TO ME.. GIVE IT TO SNIFFLY GUY THERE" …pointing at...Yours truly

[P.S: in my first 2 months in Canada, I got the flu 9 times in 2 months. That's how bad my first months were]

__________________________________________________________________________________

No.3: Year 1999--------Grade 9-----Math Class

Teacher:….after you plot all the points of the equation, you just draw a SMOOTH curve to show the parabola

Student (trying to act funny): Sir, but my hand shakes a lot

Teacher (with a plain look): well, in that case, let your girlfriend sit on your lap and then you will draw the curve smoothly

_________________________________________________________________________________



No.2 Year 2003------Junior Year--------Database Class

What's special about that class is that I was the only junior guy among a class of sophomores who are older than me (go figure that out). First class with this new Jordanian Professor with a bad sense of humor and features the Jordanian trademark on the forehead: The frown

Two other friends sitting right next to me whispering

Student A: hey…this new professor looks fearsome

Student B: yea I know…its been 20 minutes and he never smiled. Maybe his smiling muscles are paralyzed

Student A: hahaha..man, look at his body…looks like he just came out of the military

Student B: I KNOW…look at his posture. I am quite confident that he is one of those famous male porn stars

Student A: hahaha..no no my friend..he definitely works in a male strip club..

I couldn't hold myself anymore…I just burst out laughing.

[P.S: Both Student A and Student B are guys]

_________________________________________________________________________________



No.1 Year 2003------Junior year-----Programming Languages Class:

2 of my friends sitting next to me

Guy A: dude, look at the BASTARD…looks like he just came from the beach with these pair of shorts

Guy B: yea, and he got a good tan too, do you see what I see?

Guy A: you mean his legs?

Guy B: yea…did he shave them or wax them? I can't tell from here

Guy A (staring):hmm..I think he shaved them, unless its some messed up wax he is using

BOOOM…the girl behind them bumps their heads together

Girl: Shame on both of you. I can't hear the professor. Who cares if he shaves or waxes his legs? LEAVE THE GUY ALOOOONE

[P.S: the BASTARD got his nickname from another funny incident that I'll blog about later]

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IIIIIIIIIIIII QUITTTTTTTTTT – (part 2)

till enjoying my time and letting myself go wild. Friday, I went with the family to a birthday party at Chucky Cheese for the 3 year-old kid of our family friend. And My GOD, I LOVE kids. They are just stupid.

I got these 2 kids and I started building this competitive desire against each other; that each one should collect more tickets than his friend. It's those tickets that you get from arcade. The higher your score, the more tickets you get. And of course, the more tickets you have, the better the price would be.

The best part about is that they don't care about playing the game. They want more tickets. Both of them were begging me to play their games so I can get them high scores. It was the best hour I had in months. I got to play all the arcade games TWICE and for FREE. My God, kids are sooo stupid.

Saturday morning wasn't impressive at all. I had to go to the bank to finalize the transaction that I've intended to do for the past 2 days (note: in KSA, banks close on Thursday and Friday and are open on Saturday….I know it is weird). My mp3 player's role was very crucial as the computer slip says that my served number is 678 and that 123 customers are waiting in front of me. 3 hours later, I am no longer broke. I am a very happy beaver who is as excited as Paris Hilton at a Friday night.

In the evening, I hit Seirafi Mall one more time. Apparently, my friend befriended the waiters at a coffee shop there and actually went out with them. I was surprised. It is not that I have something against them. I'd be ok with a chit-chat but I'll never consider them as friends. I don't know if I am just shy or not good at socializing with others. If I meet person "A" in some random place, then I am ok with that. But if "A" was serving me coffee, food, selling me credit cards, fixing my desktop computer or even if he was my barber, I'd never go out with him. I don't mean to undermine the person or anything; it is just one of these rules in my book. It is like what the gang taught me back in the days "never hit on the bartender even if she was the sexiest, most gorgeous girl in the bar". You just don't.

We spent the rest of the night being tea educated about different types of tea and how to make a tea latte---tea, vanilla and milk. They even have their own tea blend and it tastes sooooo good. I've never drank in my life a drink like that. It's a sweet tea with mixed fruits flavor, and with each sip, you get the flavor of a different fruit. What's worse is that we left this café to go to ANOTHER tea shop (teayana). It is my favorite and this shop is specialized in only making teas. It got over 101 types of teas. By the end of the night, I already drank 3 different herbal teas that I swear by the time I went to pee, my urine actually smelled good.

The high caffeine level in my blood didn't help me sleep. The last thing I was thinking about is praying to God not to die in a humiliating way. I don't want to end up like that lady I heard about earlier today. She went to washroom to fix her Hijab. While fixing it, she put the needle that fastens the "ishar" between her lips and unfortunately, she sneezed. The lady barely made it alive as she had to go into operation and had to get out that needle that got stuck in her windpipe.

What a messed up way to die.

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IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

I wanted to scream it from the top of my lungs. To do it Dave Chappelle's style.

Yea, but considering my shy and good character, it didn't happen. I gave my resignation on Wednesday and we ended the relationship on good terms. Somehow I ended inviting them for lunch on Saudi Kabsa (and of course, I couldn't save myself from the "OH, you eat with your left?", but this time, I instantly switched the spoon from my left to my right in a matter of seconds). I finalized all the issues needed to terminate my employment like submitting the company laptop (I am going to miss Windows Vista) and the medical insurance card (I wish I've used it L). In return, my experience letter was titled "to whomsoever it may concern"…I dunno. I am not good at linguistics but "whomsoever" sounds wrong.

After that, I've went home to relax a bit (i.e. watch X-files) before I headed to see my friend who came from Dammam for few days. He called to say "surprise, I am in Jeddah". Wow, as much as I love to hang out with him, I just hate those kinds of surprises. They catch me off-guard. And I hate to be caught off guard.

Things went smoothly, after he stopped nagging about the fact that I should have a car and take him around rather than use cabs (seriously, I've lived enough to say that I prefer having robot cab drivers rather the ones I've seen. I've got many stories in my bag to share, but we'll leave that for different posts). We played bowling and table hockey before we hit "BreakTime" café for the ultimate night. The semi-final of the champions' league. AcMilan vs Manchester United. It was a great night and a great game. The Rossoneri did it with style. They demolished the Red Devils with prestigious 3-0 win. Seedorf, kaka and Gilardino were the stars of the show.

Thursday was another great day. I spent the morning videogaming a bit. I left at lunch time to eat "Haneeth" (another rice-meat meal combination, I am really getting sick of those). After that, we went to Jarir bookstore and upon the recommendation of Kinan, I've bought 2 books:

1- Tuesdays with Morrie

2- A short History of Nearly Everything

We hit Serafi Mall (largest mall in Jeddah), chilled there a bit and then went to one of my favorite places ever..IKEA. Who doesn't love IKEA? Their furniture is modern, simple and practical. I love everything about them; from the way of organizing their products to presenting them with this added touch that brings life to them. Their products really speak of themselves…and oh, did I mention that their food is delicious? It is amaaaaaaaaaazing. IKEA is simply the best thing that Sweden gave to the world.

The only bitter thing about those last 2 days is how bad it feels to be broke. This is the 2^nd time in my life that I reach this state. It is really humiliating considering the fact that I studied "financial planning" for one whole year. But I wouldn't have been in that state if my stupid bank's computer system was not down for 2 whole days..2 WHOLE DAYS? I still don't know how a bank can survive for such a long time. Oh well, things happen. It never goes as planned.

Hmmm…my bed is calling me. Its time to embrace it. Alas, no more alarms. No more waking up early. Let's enjoy the next couple of weeks together before I start my new job. ;)

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