The Hammer’s Legend

Each one of us has a nickname. This nickname could be for many reasons. It could be coz your name is long and not, as ppl call it, "musical". Or maybe you picked up your nickname because of a trait you have, an experience you had, or even coz ppl can't pronounce it right and they make an abbreviation for it(just think of FEZ in the 70's show).

For example, we have the "Gremlin" coz this guy has long flappy ears that he can literally fly with like the Dumbo the Elephant. You have "mo" that stands for Mohammed. We have "stoner"'d never wanna be near this guy coz he looks like a crackhead with his trembling fragile body, swelled up eyes despite the fact that he no longer blazes. You got my roommate, a.k.a as "Jesus". We went clubbing once and his long hair and light beard kind of deluded drunk girls to fall into his arms muttering "Forgive me Lord Jesus for I have sinned". He embraces her back and assures her "you are forgiven my child". What happens after he takes her to a dark corner is out of the context of our discussion but he prefers to call it "repenting her sins".

Even yours truly has unfortunately been struck with a bizarre nickname. The "Hammer". The "Failtes Irish Pub"..The When.. is mT's birthday party. But let us explore the "how" part together. Shall we?

Its Friday's night and as usual it's packed. It's almost impossible to converse with the guy next to you without literally screaming. The rest of the guys followed up shortly after I arrived..The Rex, M-unit, Bradiddy, B-tek and of course the birthday boy, mT, who caught me off guard. He wanted to hook me up with his friend. At start, I rejected the idea of a date. I was just not psychologically prepared for a date.

As it happened many times, I'd feel out of the loop when the guys start talking about hockey and the Maple Leafs. And when the hockey season is over, its BLUEJAYS and baseball time. And if they aren't talking about hockey or baseball, then its Raptors and basketball. Minutes were slowly ticking away and that's when I decided to approach her. She was bright, creative, interesting and ambitious and we started chitchatting..or to be more specific, shouting at each other (it was that packed). We were into each other. I talked, talked, talked, she talked and I listened, buying beer, I listen, I listen, listening & buying beer, more listening, more listening, talk, more listening, buying beer..etc. This cycle went on for an hour before she excused me to go to the washroom. I went back to my friends. All that time Bradiddy and M-unit are giving me the thumbs, "oh, you are doing well", "she was leaning, she was interested", "she was looking you straight in the eye", "you should take her to a corner and make out with her", "take her home",...etc. All that while my ego is being pumped up, and I assure them with self-confidence that "I have my way, I prefer to take it slooowly". 10 minutes pass..15..20.. the rat inside my head starts biting at my self-confidence...I peak at the washroom..yep, you'd better be watering that tree outside rather than wait in those long queues. 25 minutes, 30 minutes...M-unit is reassuring me "its oook...don't worry, we girls take our time in the washroom...she'll be back soon". And that's when The Rex shows up telling us how mT is smashed, had too much to drink and he is puking all over the place outside in the park.

As we went out to be supportive and helpful with our water supply, B-tek blows my bubble saying "oh, look at Hamza's date". We all follow his gaze to see her leaning on two of her friends while she was still spraying the floor with that acidic digested food mix. Ooooh...damn..what did I just do? So much for that hyped up self-confidence...fsssst...a deflating balloon... is I am still confused when her friend approaches me with that guilt face asking me politely "may I ask how many beers did you buy her"?...The words barely came out of my mouth "hmm...three...maybeeee fooour...hmmm...fiiive...or..mooore"..."OMG, she is NEW to drinking..OMG, how will I drive her home? Her parents are sooo gonna kill me"..."hmm...I am sorry..!"

I felt like a raged bull that has just been shot by a tranquilizer. I was slowly coming back to my senses to realize that the rest of the gang were still sharing the spoils of my unfortunate date.. "oh, you've hammered her", "Rule #1: never get your date drunk", "she is gone..she is hammered", "what did you do to her? You are really the Hammer", "hahaha..the HAMMER", "hamza the hammer", "the Hammer hammers his dates".

Its been more than a year since that day. I got accustomed to "hey, how is it going hammer? ;)"...I mean coming to think of it, it has a nice ring if you are a bully or a gangsta.."the Hammer"...naah..I don't think so.


Anonymous said...

?? did we really need to know this ??

KJ said...

Stick to Beaver, it suits you better :P

But MY GOD what a hilarious post! I cracked up in the office and everyone was eyeing my stupidity... "How can this guy find his work funny?"

Those pack of friends you have are a funny bunch, and I love the nicknames. You, me and KI should make some book with the three adventurers: The Beaver, the Moogle and the Cute Alien Dude.

Kinano said...

Seriously Hilarious!

But KJ is right! Stick to Beaver...

And what on earth were you thinking buying her all that many beeeers?!?!?


Kitty said...

nice blog

Elijah said...

LOL Ok which ones are KI and KJ? ;P

Shway shway 3albanat, Hammer.

Hamza said...

Ok so, Beaver is the official name for now.

KJ: I applaud the idea of the book. I am ready to be co-author as well as publisher

KI: dude, my guys were heavy drinkers..2 tequila shots, vodka, 2 beers and they were still sober..I thought it'll be same for her.

Kitty: hey, welcome abroad. I'd respect the way you've been targeting most of us with "nice blog" attitude. Very smart girl ;)

Elijah: KI is Cute Alien Dude, KJ is the moogle..and yea, I WILL take it slowly next time...hahahahaha

Kinano said...

I don't think elijah is familiar with moogles and CADs..

I am KI and, well, KJ is kj!!!

Elijah said...

lol Kinan, thanx for the clarification :/