Pimping my friend out

I finally feel liberated. I managed to end the relationship that was bothering me lately..or at least assume I did so.

It happened all on Friday. It didn't go out very well as I felt like I have screwed things up. I didn't manage to say the speech that I've prepared in advance. I ended up saying my true gut feelings in a very frank way. I blurted out statements like "this relationship is so stressful", "I am not gonna answer unknown numbers for a while just in case it turns out to be you" etc. I was involuntarily very harsh on him. He kept on listening before at last I gave him a ride back home.

On the way back home, he was silent all the time. It kind of pissed me off coz I was hoping he'd retaliate, attack me back, or at least defend himself. I mean the whole point of this was that to listen to any final words he got.

When we were at the door steps of his home, he started speaking. At first, he scolded me for the way I decided on ending this friendship, saying that we are guys and we shouldn't have this kind of conversation, because this is the conversation that guys use when breaking up with girls. Fine..he was right. I shouldn't have been over-dramatic.

At the same time, he believes it would be inappropriate if I decide to suddenly ignore him and stop answering his calls. He was even frustrated when I said: "I think this is the best way forward as I have consulted many people and this is what they say". He didn't like the fact that I consulted others. God only knows how he would react if he knew I wrote 2 whole posts about this subject.

Later, he kept on defending me and saying how great I am and how he considers me his best friend and more like a brother. I felt kind of ashamed that he stressed all the good things in me while I stressed his bad traits. He also believes that I kind of misjudged the situation as he was depressed only lately and how he regrets opening his heart to me and being very honest with me.

I tried to close the topic and use reverse psychology in the form that he deserves better friends than me and just wish him luck for the rest of his life. He replied that one day all my questions would be answered and that this moment will be a dramatic turning point in his life. Initially, I thought it would be a step forward for him to realize that life is not all rosy and that he'll wake up and take steps to improve his situation. However, he didn't mean that at all. On the contrary, what he really meant is that he shouldn't be blamed if he ever commits suicide. It kind of sent chills down my spine and I almost panicked as I know I'll never forgive myself if he ever commits suicide.

At the end, he tried rationalizing and bargaining for a middle solution where we kind of "phase-out" the friendship slowly by less phone calls like a call a month and after 3 months, I do a re-evaluation. I refused and I remained firm on my position as I felt that this was kind of faking an existing friendship and delaying the fate that we both know will eventually happen.

I dropped him and as I was driving back, I kept on thinking on all the mistakes I've did, and how I might have misjudged him and that I know that I couldn't completely cut him off. While we never agreed on it, I know that if he ever attempts to contact me, I might (and I hope not) respond back. The only thought that keeps reminding me of him was the idea of "what would happen if I dropped him at tahliya venue at around 4 a.m?"

Last Wednesday, (2 days before the whole break-up situation), I was extremely busy and I only managed to see him after 1 a.m. We cruised in the car till it was almost dawn. By the time it was 4 a.m. I was tired and wanted to go home. For him, he'd refuse to go back. He pulled one of his stupid moves where he lied to his family and that he was going for UMRA with me and that him coming home after only 3 hours would be unrealistic. He needed to stay in a place, a coffee shop or somewhere for at least another 2 hours before he can go back. This is a sample of the kind of many moves he pulls that make me build up the rage inside me. How am I supposed to find an open place at around 4 a.m.?

My last hope was in checking the Tahliya Avenue. We parked my car and went for a walk around the area. The situation was not promising at all. It was not deserted. On the contrary, it had many people. People who were organised in groups...groups that looked like gangs...Gangs that kept staring at us and specifically at him. I kept teasing him and threatening that I'd leave him to entertain those ass-rapists. Minutes later, the joke no longer became funny as 3 of the 5 gangs started closing on us. What was even worse is that he was not co-operative at all. He kept on giggling like he was some whore waiting for a customer to pick him up. His giggling attracted two cars that started roaming around us like a pair of predators waiting to feast on their prey; being him of course.

Thankfully, we managed to escape the place safely but I always wished I had left him there for the night. The guys would have avenged for all the rage I have built up and...

I could have sought an alternative career in pimping...pimping guys out.

Wow, what a unique profession to be proud of.