Cleansing Negative Energy

With the exception of the nights that Acmilan win their games, I rarely manage to end my day in a positive mood. Despite the fact that I start my day energetic and happy (especially this last month), I usually find myself going to sleep feeling miserable, sad or depressed.

I have come to realize that this drainage is due to the negative energy orbiting me. I concluded that there were 2 sources of negative energy in my life. 2 sources in the form of two people, in the form of two friends.

The first is one of my close friends who I'll never abandon because of the great memories we share and the strong bonding we have. However, the only thing that bothers me about him is that he is becoming more and more passive. He is not ambitious at all. He never talks about it as if he is satisfied by the way his life is going. It really annoys me that I care about him more than he cares about himself. Since I'd never consider abandoning this friendship, I feel I am restricted by one option; which is to take a break from him every once in a while. E.g. taking a break of two weeks or less where I seize all forms of communication with him which unfortunately means I'd have to lie and give lame excuses about how busy I am. On many occasions, this break proved to be fruitful in recharging me to handle the negative vibes caused by him.

My second source is another close friend who lately became more of a blackhole of all the joy I retain in my day. He is by far the most miserable person I've ever met in my life. He rarely opens a joyous discussion. For months, I've tolerated his endless daily complaints and utterly depressing suicidal attitude towards life in the hope that it's an unlucky phase he is going through. But this phase has prolonged for over 15 months is extremely illogical. As a friend, I tried extending all form of support that I can but I couldn't see the will inside him to help himself. Slowly, I started to lose all hope in him. It reached the tipping point around a week ago when we were discussing him. We concluded its either he is extremely unlucky that he might be cursed (I don't believe in curses but I tried to play along) or he is a loser beyond redemption. I questioned him, what if he was really a loser?. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when he shocked me by saying that he thought about it but concluded that if he was really a loser, then I wouldn't be still talking to him.

I was like OH MY GOD. What have I done? And that's why I decided to put an end to this friendship.

Things are easier said than done. Usually, if I want to avoid someone, I just ignore them, never pick up their calls and stop seeing them. However, this is the first time I feel that I can't do the same here. I tried ignoring but it didn't work out. For the sake of all the things we shared together, I believe that this guy deserves a closure.

The thought of finding the best way to deliver my feeling has been stressing me alot lately especially since he arrived to Jeddah last week and he'll stay for a couple of days. I decided to use this time to play along and give him the best week he'll ever have. And on the last day, we'll have a face-to-face confrontation with no limits where I admit to him how I feel and why our friendship shouldn't continue.

Efffff. I can't believe that I've reached a stage where I had to write this. I feel like a drama queen. In fact, I think this is worse than breaking up with a girlfriend.

48 hours to go. I hope that they'll pass in peace.