Cleansing Negative Energy

With the exception of the nights that Acmilan win their games, I rarely manage to end my day in a positive mood. Despite the fact that I start my day energetic and happy (especially this last month), I usually find myself going to sleep feeling miserable, sad or depressed.

I have come to realize that this drainage is due to the negative energy orbiting me. I concluded that there were 2 sources of negative energy in my life. 2 sources in the form of two people, in the form of two friends.

The first is one of my close friends who I'll never abandon because of the great memories we share and the strong bonding we have. However, the only thing that bothers me about him is that he is becoming more and more passive. He is not ambitious at all. He never talks about it as if he is satisfied by the way his life is going. It really annoys me that I care about him more than he cares about himself. Since I'd never consider abandoning this friendship, I feel I am restricted by one option; which is to take a break from him every once in a while. E.g. taking a break of two weeks or less where I seize all forms of communication with him which unfortunately means I'd have to lie and give lame excuses about how busy I am. On many occasions, this break proved to be fruitful in recharging me to handle the negative vibes caused by him.

My second source is another close friend who lately became more of a blackhole of all the joy I retain in my day. He is by far the most miserable person I've ever met in my life. He rarely opens a joyous discussion. For months, I've tolerated his endless daily complaints and utterly depressing suicidal attitude towards life in the hope that it's an unlucky phase he is going through. But this phase has prolonged for over 15 months is extremely illogical. As a friend, I tried extending all form of support that I can but I couldn't see the will inside him to help himself. Slowly, I started to lose all hope in him. It reached the tipping point around a week ago when we were discussing him. We concluded its either he is extremely unlucky that he might be cursed (I don't believe in curses but I tried to play along) or he is a loser beyond redemption. I questioned him, what if he was really a loser?. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when he shocked me by saying that he thought about it but concluded that if he was really a loser, then I wouldn't be still talking to him.

I was like OH MY GOD. What have I done? And that's why I decided to put an end to this friendship.

Things are easier said than done. Usually, if I want to avoid someone, I just ignore them, never pick up their calls and stop seeing them. However, this is the first time I feel that I can't do the same here. I tried ignoring but it didn't work out. For the sake of all the things we shared together, I believe that this guy deserves a closure.

The thought of finding the best way to deliver my feeling has been stressing me alot lately especially since he arrived to Jeddah last week and he'll stay for a couple of days. I decided to use this time to play along and give him the best week he'll ever have. And on the last day, we'll have a face-to-face confrontation with no limits where I admit to him how I feel and why our friendship shouldn't continue.

Efffff. I can't believe that I've reached a stage where I had to write this. I feel like a drama queen. In fact, I think this is worse than breaking up with a girlfriend.

48 hours to go. I hope that they'll pass in peace.

12 comments:

Noura said...

I have a close friend in my life that is a combination of your two friends and it's killing me..Although am a very patient,understanding person,her attitude is driving me nuts and draining me mentally, it's like something is sucking life out of me...I couldn't just tell her that our friendship is over, am just avoiding her by pretending that am busy or have plans..am not sure if this is the right solution but I don't think she is in the right mentality to understand any logical conversation or criticism about her attitude..
I hope you tell us how your friend reacts to the confrontation..

Isam said...

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asoom said...

I sooooooooooooo know how you feel about needing to get rid of negative energy. I used to be somewhat of a social butterfly but last year I started coming to the realization that it was many of those interactions and relationships that were bringing me down and many time even being the main cause of strife. I brushed a bit in my blog about this stuff but I can say so much more.

It seems that the type of social interactions that bring negative energy that you’re talking about is different than mine, maybe it’s a guy girl dynamics thing. For me it was more of being in an environment where you’re judged, criticized, or put down for just being who you are. My own closest friends had that effect on me. I realized that it’s not something people do intentionally; I also realized that without being conscious of it I had that effect on other girls as well. My solution was to socialize when I actually want to and not because I feel like I have to, and when I’m around people I just try to be a positive person and not someone whose always pessimistic or analyzes everything others say . This was probably the hardest thing to change, I admit I used to be a mean girl (have you seen that movie).

It’s also guys with guy girl relationships, but I guess it takes a longer time to be conscious of the negative energy that comes from that type of relationship since you’re more mature when you start having them. Very recently (like a month ago) I ended a relationship with a guy after coming to the realization that he was bringing more negative than positive into my life. Between the time that I realized I had to end it and when I ended it was a very nervous and anxiety-filled time for me because confrontations aren’t easy. I just made sure he knew there were no hard feelings or resentment but this is a situation I can’t accept for myself. So I empathize with how you feel although it’s not the same type of situation.

asoom said...

So with the first friend, the distancing yourself is a great idea! It doesn’t mean you don’t care about this person or that you don’t want to be his friend. If this person is passive and isn’t the type to take initiative then you probably won’t worry too much about making up excuses.

The second friend, are you sure that that’s the best thing to do? Can’t you just pull away without explicitly stating it-he’ll come to the realization on his own of what’s going on and start questioning why and that might be good for him.

KJ said...

Gtalk NOW!

eshda3wa said...

there will always be negative ppl around u

u have to master the plan of blocking!

u have to learn how not to let these things get to u!

also, u try being over positive around both of them! maybe it will rob off OR theyll hate u and leave :)

Hamza said...

noura - it is really getting harder with every passing day. My 2nd friend is like your friend in not having this mentality. Even when I tried to brush him off, he coudln't get it. I hate to confront but I think I have no choice.

isam - ya3teek il 3afyeh man. I applaud the idea of starting a blog for them. At individual level, I wish I was there to be able to buy or provide at least ONE generator for one hospital there. I am sure it will give some help.

asoom - wow, what a useful insight you gave there. i can more related to the 2nd paragraph in your first comment about ending the relationship with that guy. and as you said, you made sure there are no hard feelings.

For friend 1, I am sure that this is the best thing and its ok. Its not bothering me.
For friend 2, I am sure more than ever that this is the best thing to do. I spent yesterday with him from 1 a.m to 4:30 in the morning and I used the time to talk more about him so that it helps me in shaping my last speech.

KJ - *waits on MSN impatiently*

eshda3wa- so true. I can block ppl with negative aura but as I said, I find it extremely difficult with those who are close friends to you. :(

Batoul A. said...

Whatever I say would be easier said then done. It's a tough situation when it comes to close friends. Just be honest and say it! at this point, I dont think theres much to lose.

Kinano said...

Well, I think you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure. I went through a similar situation to yours with Friend B and I had to make the ultimate decision of confronting B face to face that I don't really want them anymore in my life. Especially when you start to realize the obsessiveness of it all. Anyway, I always claim that it is very easy for me to lose the people in my life, and I have tested this theory a couple of times before but never with someone that I cared very much about. Not this time. We had a lot of good times, B and I, and we always seemed in sync with ideas and thoughts and experiences ...etc. However, when the moment of truth came I mustered a strength that was well beyond any of my expectations and it actually was easy. I don't regret it, a source of stress was eliminated entirely from my life. I know I have hurt this person, and I know that I was such an asshole about it too. But for the life of me, I didnt and still don't care. There always seem to be moments in your life that you must be completely and utterly selfish. I don't know how this could help, bas I say lose the "week-of-a-lifetime" plan and just peal off the band-aid as quickly as possible.

Ms Loala said...

Damn Hamza!
That friend of yours made my life a living misery for just reading this!
Standing him will be the ultimate jihad :P

I say tell him to the face and not ditch him. He seems a good guy if it wasn't for his extreme pessimism.

elijah said...

A good idea would be to let him read this post :) sorry i had to say that.

I think it's up to ur tolerance, I have dealt with depressed people and I went through depression once, it's not easy to snap out of it and no matter what anyone does or says it will not change a thing until the person gets out on his/her own. I gave up on a person once because like you it was making my life miserable. I don't regret that, but I do miss the days when things were normal, but the headache and drama is all gone.

If you don't want to lose your friend, just tell him that YOU need time alone for a while without lies and excuses.

Hamza said...

batoul - I was honest and blunt. But I wish I had the skills to say it better.

kinano - wow, that's the wisest thing you said to me in months.

ms loala- lol at Jihad. You are right. He is a good guy. :(

elijah - I appreciate your advice. My door will be open if things change. :)