Human Body’s Utensils

At first, it was embarrassing. But now its annoying. I am talking about justifying myself when I am put in that awkward situation in which I have to attend one of those traditional (yet unusual for me) lunch/dinner invitations. I wouldn't be able to count the dozens of times that I haven't eaten lunch coz I am not following the eating habits that constitute part of the food culture for meals such as Kabsa, Biryani and Mandi.

The toughest experience out of it all was the traditional dinner organized on the night before the wedding for my cousin where they serve "MANSAF" (traditional Jordanian Food) to guests where you MUST eat or it'll be considered a sign of disrespect. Little did I know that I would have traded disrespect by miles for the humiliation that I suffered later that night.

The platters arrived. Few were served to us the men standing at the roof while the rest has went to the women sitting inside. With 6 guests standing on each plate, the plate is being assaulted with hands that mix the Jameed with rice like a Sheppard who enjoys slowly castrating his sheep. It's a technique that I never learned and that I never intend on.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not that sophisticated person who follows the high etiquette standard. I'd always eat pizza with my hand even if I am sitting in a luxurious restaurant. Its just I can't imagine myself eating with my hand. So I dared and did the unexpected…

"Can I have a spoon here?"

The world has gone mute. Plain faces with eye sight converging to one focal point...and the only thought that this focal point is thinking is how to self-implode as quickly as possible.

What's even worse is that I have attracted people to my other sin. That is…eating with my left hand..Or to be more specific, using the spoon with my left hand. I couldn't stop the horrified people who approach me to tell me for the trillionth time the saying "oh..YOU EAT WITH YOUR LEFT? Didn't you know that the Prophet (pbuh) said….(bla bla bla bla)" and "if you eat with your left, the devil eats with you"…yea right…no wonder I never get full. I mean, its just another symmetrical hand to the other blessed one and I don't think God is silly enough that on Day of Judgement He'll go like "ah..good boy…you did Hajj, you prayed, you fasted..ooh wait, you ate with your left, you are going to Hell".

Despite all this, I continued my blasphemed eating habit as the disgusted looks never stopped staring at the first guy in the history of the town who has dared to violate the rules of eating Mansaf. For me, it was just another time to daydream and seclude myself from the whole world specifically from those who whispered with shame "only women eat with spoons"

And that was the story of the last time I attended a mansaf served in a wedding. I am warning you..If I ever get married, I am bringing Pizza Hut for lunch. :D

19 comments:

Elijah said...

LMAO xD

YEAH YEAH to Mansaf, we're making it tonight for 'Robert' lol.

I tried eating it with my hand once, at home though, and you gotta believe it, it tastes so much better, I don't know how to explain it but it's different than when you eat it with a spoon.

YOU ARE GOING TO HELL KIDDO, not because you ate with ur left hand but because you ate MANSAF with a spoon, you're a man, how could you do that LOL.

KJ said...

Don't listen to Elijah. At least you eat it with a spoon... I would eat it with a fork.

Kinan said...

Disgusting bedouins!

elijah:
You eat with your hands?!?! How pathetic! Add that to your weird list of things.

kj:
All Hail The King Fork :D

Elijah said...

KJ:
LOL it's all liquidy sauce how can you eat it with a fork!!


kinan:
I tried it once and it was good. BTW it's healthier read about it.

and both of you stop talking about me behind my back.

Hamza don't listen to them, they're just jealous of I don't know what lol.

Hamza said...

KJ & Kinan: trust me guys, you've seen nothing. You haven't seen the part where they crack the head of the sheep by a hammer. Ask Elijah about it. I am sure she saw it :P

Elijah: HOW on Earth is eating with your hand is considered healthier? give me an article, a research paper and DON'T tell me that your "Robert" is a doctor who said so. :P

Elijah said...

lol hamza, actually I've never seen it, I don't eat lamb or beef, so when anyone cooks it I run out of the house, can't bear the smell.


LOL I don't think there is one. I heard it on TV once, a medical or religion topic, saying there are enzymes under the nails that help with the digestion. Probably not true or proven yet.

Kinan said...

*pukes after reading the under-the-nails part*

KJ said...

Elijah, but people cut their nails, so the only ones who would benefit from those enzymes are the women, who eat in spoons :P

Ms Loala said...

WTH! hell no!
Eating whatever that is with your hand is just pathetic! why spoons are invented then? to take photos with them? no no no .. that's tottaly unacceptable!
Glad you did what you believe in ;)

Elijah said...

LOL kinan and KJ, then eat with a spoon and when you're done bite your nails hahahaha xD

eshda3wa said...

i LOVE eating with my hands
especially things like kabsa it just tastes so much better

i wouldnt eat with my hand in public gatherings n resturants, but at home definitly

i never had mansaf
someone invite me over for mansaf!

Elijah said...

eshda3wa:
Thank you! Finally someone who makes sense!

Come to my place hun, I'm an expert but I cook it with chicken and yogurt not lamb and jameed so it's really something else now haha

Hamza said...

elijah & eshda3wa: this post has indeed been enlightening. The next thing I will see you girls do is cut your nails over the meals and eat it with them.

MsLoala: Thank you and I hope that you'll never even attempt using your hands.

eshda3wa said...

elijah! just say when!

what does ur nails have to do with anything?

do u know the skin on ur hands produces a special enzyme the kills bacteria? just was your hands and enjoy the natural spoon god has given you

btw, theres a special etiquett for eating with ur hands that not everyone knows or follows, but it exsists, and im an expert

those of u who dont eat with ur hands

your totally missing out!

7aki Fadi said...

HI Hamza: I found your blog through KJs blog and I rarely ever find a blog and read the whole thing but I did and I love it and I am going to blog roll you :) so so write some more since yesterday was the first day I read it.

And you should try eating mansaf with your hands I tried it once and it's kinda adventurous and tasted better than with a spoon and I have no clue why :)

Hamza said...

merci...welcome abroad. I have to admit that I was impressed by your blog too and you are officially on my cup of coffee links.

The reason I haven't blogged so much is that ironically I was invited for Mansaf on Thursday, and I went sick for 3 consecutive days. Khalas..its official..I am not eating mansaf again.

eshda3wa said...

i want to try mansaaaaf!!
elijah im so holding u to that invitation
and were eating with our hands!!

hamza, hope ur feeling better :S

Elijah said...

See they're all telling u to try it with ur hands, I swear it tastes so much better.

eshda3wa:
my email is on my profile, email me when ur free and I WILL make it for you. I'm serious. and of course we'll eat it with our hands, hamza, kj and kinan can use spoons and miss out on the fun :P

7aki Fadi said...

Hamza: Thanks!

I hope you are feeling better, mansaf could be pretty heavy on the system, you need a mansaf drip to kinda get used to it slowly...HA HA HA HA.