Calendars can help you understand Eve

Having been in all-male school and living in a country where its culture establishes barriers in socializing the two human sexes, I was skeptical about my communication skills when I went to pursue my education in a mixed university such as AUS.

Fortunately, I did very well. Neither was I one of those guys who'd always keep his head low, can't make two words together or make a comprehendible sentence when they are around girls. Nor I was one of those perverts who see women as moldable doll with two spheres worth exploring.

Being very peaceful, I rarely fight or get into conflicts. That's why it really annoys me when I get into unnecessary arguments with my female friends. Its even more irritating when it's a huge misunderstanding or an escalated issue that was not worth it. In my first year at university, most of my conflicts are with the opposite sex, which made me self-doubt, myself of understanding them.

By my 2^nd year, I got fed up. My close friend had proposed a logical hypothesis that was worth testing. And thus began my experiment:

Data Collection: I've spent 3^rd semester, a period of 3 months, documenting the dates of those conflicts I've had with the close girl friends I knew.

Data Analysis: a pattern. Conflicts happen periodically. A conflict almost every 4 weeks per girl…. Except for 3 conflicts that didn't fit in the pattern..hmm, so far so good

Data Testing: by my 4th semester, its time to test my hypothesis. I start to provoke unjustified fights like my famous "hey, let's have lunch" and I never come or even call. Or I start going out with all our friends and not calling her. I used to do this at a random time (what we call the control factor) and I repeat the same procedure at the recorded date I have for each girl.

Conclusion: Hypothesis confirmed. Avoid girls when they are PMSing.

I can't tell you how useful that experiment has been. By my 3^rd year, I have my estimated date of each close girl friend I have. Whenever we get into one of those unnecessary fights, I just take a quick look at my calendar and check if it is the approximate time of the month. If it doesn't match, then the troubles are serious and I should work on fixing them. If there is a match, I update my calendar and I switch from defensive male Hamza that says "hey I didn't do anything" to caring female hamza "oooh sweety, I am sorry, its gonna be ok, I didn't mean it etc"

Wait…did I just say that I have a female side?...uhm..never mind

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The Forbidden Fruit

I just finished reading a review of the story of the above "controversial" game. Its really stupid that this game is banned here. It was humiliating enough to feel like a child when my mom interrogated me on the games I've been playing on my ps2.

It all started yesterday. I was walking mindlessly at home. I was like an addict who is not getting his
fix. Its been over a month since I bought a "new" game. It was definitely time for "videogame shopping".

So I hit my usual videogame store in the centre next home. And for the first time in 7 years, the salesman is telling me "he isn't selling any ps2 games anymore". I checked another store and they were very much reserved when I asked about buying "God of War" & "God of War II". I came back to my usual videogame store and I asked in a friendly tone "where can I find these 2 games"..and his response was a cheesy smile with "you'll never find them..they are banned in KSA"...wooo..wait a min..banned? why? "apparently, it has many debatable themes where you are a warrior who fights God".

When I almost gave up and started walking out the mall, not believing that I couldn't find a new videogame to paly, I see a small stand that has some games on display. Strange..I know the place like the back of my hand. I never saw this guy sell videogames before. So, I start slowly

"I am looking for JAK X"...

he fumbles briefly in his stack, "hmm. I don't think I have it"

"oh yea, what's that game on that 2^nd shelf?"

"oh....I have it" he hands it over to me

I roll my eyes and then go for my next kill "shadow of colossus?"

"huh?"

"shadow of colossus"

"I have shadow of rome"

Losing patience and few moments of utter silence then..

"3^rd shelf on the left..."

He looks there "wow, I have it..I didn't know I have these games"

"dude, is this your store? Because I am starting to doubt that..first day at job?"

"no, its just most of my customers buy winning eleven..anything else?"

Finally..."so far I found games I couldn't find in any other place..now focus with me..I want "God of war" and "God of war II"

"oh no no, I definitely don't have this game. I can assure you that. You won't find it here. The game is banned" backs away like I've just threatened him with the nuclear

I get closer to him and trying to act sneaky "and can't you manage to get it SOMEHOW from..you know...and I'll pay you the triple..deal?"

"oh please, don't do this..don't cause me problems..if they caught me, I'll be dead meat"

Oh well, at least I tried. But its sooo killing me inside. The reason I wanted the game is that its really good and it got some good reviews. Now with it being banned, I want it even more.

The fun part was not yet over. As my parents picked me up from the mall and was telling them how I couldn't find some of the games I am looking for, my mom gives me her wise opinion: "you know, you gotta be careful with some of those videogames. For example, there is this game called "God of War" which talks about...."ooh great, now my mom who know peanuts about videogames and can't tell the difference between a ps2 and an xbox knows about this game..."and that's why its banned"...

You really don't wanna see her reaction when she discovered that this is the game i am looking for.

And now that I've finished reading the reviews, I am even more frustrated that its banned coz there is really nothing offending in it. The story revolves around a troubled person during the Greek Age where he has been assigned by the Gods of Olympus to fight the god Ares. During your journey, you get help from gods like Zeus, Hades and Artmis.

I still can't believe that I can't enjoy one of the best games ever released on playstation 2, that got so many awards because of another unjustifiable stereotype policy that looks for the silliest thing to ban an entertainment commodity.

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The blasphemed Glasses

As I've written in a previous post, I don't feel comfortable about trying new things that might affect my psychology or make me somehow addictive to them. Its enough for me that I am already obsessed with TV, movies, books, videogames and anything AcMilan related.

Its all related to the idea of change or to be somehow dependent on something. That's why I've been avoiding this old silent enemy that has been glooming in the horizon ever since I started out this career. Hell, I can feel its dark forces as I am blogging.

Most of my friends are victim to this merciless villain. Chances are high my fellow blogger that you might be one of 'them'. It's a habit that's hard to lose once you pick it up. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about the curse of Eye-glasses.

It just depresses me that each time I remember my university days and my computer science colleagues, I'd remember the geeky guys with the glasses or all the pathetic girls with the lenses (some would go through the pain of red soar eyes rather than be taunted by her friends)

Its understandable considering the career we set our path in. 8 hours of daily computerizing is gonna sooner or later affect your eye vision. So far, I've been the last man standing. Maybe coz I never wanted to admit that my vision is not perfect, and the truth is I never know simply because I never did any eye examination. I am just scared of discovering the worst.

Unless we talk about those eye exams they do for your driving license application. Let's take the Canadian version of it. They test your vision by subjecting your eyes to a device that looks like a microscope. I've never felt so silly in my life as they project 3D letters & numbers at you from different dimensions and angles and these letters are jumping all over, some are running around like bunch of lunatics who just escaped the asylum. It was soo annoying as I've been asked to identify letters…an "8" would look like an "S", a far away "0" looks like a far away "O"...the worst one was when they put an "F" (underlined) and I mixed it with an E.

I barely passed that eye test. You gotta imagine my feeling when one year later, I come back for the Saudi version of driving license. They sit you down in a chair and ask you to point to the direction of the "opening" in the "C" or U shape (you know what I am talking about)…up, right, up…thank you….your vision is 6/6. You don't need glasses.

But I feel that things are far away from that stage. I am noticing that my vision is getting blurry whenever I am relaxing my eyes but not closing them especially when sitting on TV or when I am praying or passively staring into darkness. But everything is back to normal when I adjust it (I focus). I am starting to feel the strain in my eyes after long hours of staring at the screen. Other than those moments, my vision is clear crystal (or I think it is).

In spite of all that, I hesitate to subject myself to a real eye test. It's my latest phobia. I don't want to discover if I am short or long eye-sighted. I'd refuse to be another person at the mercy of this mischievous accessory.

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Human Body’s Utensils

At first, it was embarrassing. But now its annoying. I am talking about justifying myself when I am put in that awkward situation in which I have to attend one of those traditional (yet unusual for me) lunch/dinner invitations. I wouldn't be able to count the dozens of times that I haven't eaten lunch coz I am not following the eating habits that constitute part of the food culture for meals such as Kabsa, Biryani and Mandi.

The toughest experience out of it all was the traditional dinner organized on the night before the wedding for my cousin where they serve "MANSAF" (traditional Jordanian Food) to guests where you MUST eat or it'll be considered a sign of disrespect. Little did I know that I would have traded disrespect by miles for the humiliation that I suffered later that night.

The platters arrived. Few were served to us the men standing at the roof while the rest has went to the women sitting inside. With 6 guests standing on each plate, the plate is being assaulted with hands that mix the Jameed with rice like a Sheppard who enjoys slowly castrating his sheep. It's a technique that I never learned and that I never intend on.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not that sophisticated person who follows the high etiquette standard. I'd always eat pizza with my hand even if I am sitting in a luxurious restaurant. Its just I can't imagine myself eating with my hand. So I dared and did the unexpected…

"Can I have a spoon here?"

The world has gone mute. Plain faces with eye sight converging to one focal point...and the only thought that this focal point is thinking is how to self-implode as quickly as possible.

What's even worse is that I have attracted people to my other sin. That is…eating with my left hand..Or to be more specific, using the spoon with my left hand. I couldn't stop the horrified people who approach me to tell me for the trillionth time the saying "oh..YOU EAT WITH YOUR LEFT? Didn't you know that the Prophet (pbuh) said….(bla bla bla bla)" and "if you eat with your left, the devil eats with you"…yea right…no wonder I never get full. I mean, its just another symmetrical hand to the other blessed one and I don't think God is silly enough that on Day of Judgement He'll go like "ah..good boy…you did Hajj, you prayed, you fasted..ooh wait, you ate with your left, you are going to Hell".

Despite all this, I continued my blasphemed eating habit as the disgusted looks never stopped staring at the first guy in the history of the town who has dared to violate the rules of eating Mansaf. For me, it was just another time to daydream and seclude myself from the whole world specifically from those who whispered with shame "only women eat with spoons"

And that was the story of the last time I attended a mansaf served in a wedding. I am warning you..If I ever get married, I am bringing Pizza Hut for lunch. :D

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I will sponsor NASA

I am packing my bags. I am leaving this world. In fact, I am leaving this planet. I'd rather live alone in MARS with my own thoughts rather than live in such an unfair world that rewards unworthy creatures like George Bush with ruling strongest country in the world and for giving Saudi Government resources & oil that don't deserve. People fail to realize that the most precious resource in the world is the Human Brain which unfortunately God failed to grant to those pathetic homo sapiens.

Alas, I am sponsoring NASA. I wanna leave this Earth. There shall be another Adam and Eve on Mars..or Adam & Steve

That was all coz of an article I read on ArabNews here. Read it and you shall be bewildered.

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