Why I no longer hang out with my sister

Story 1

Its mom's birthday and we need to buy her a gift. As soon as I finish work, I pass by the house to pick my sister up. We go together and each one of us decide to buy a separate gift. My sister buys a skin care set from body shop. Then we go to another beauty shop near by called "FACES" where I asked my sister to check out what they have and pick my gift. I was not in the mood to check out what they have. So she explained to the salesman that she needs a gift for her mom (note that she didn't mention "our" mom). After a while, we both mutually agree on buying "Calvin Klein Euphoria Perfume Gift Set".

So, I ask the salesman to wrap the gift while I try to come up with something creative to write on the greeting card for my mom. The salesman did the wrapping and I was still clueless. Usually, I am very creative when I am in the mood. But if I am not, then forget it.

The salesman trying to be cool around me goes like: "shu ya zalameh...mosh 3aref toktob la 7amatak" (come on man, don't you know what to write for your mother-in law?)

What did he just say? Ok, I am gonna ignore him. I re-assess my situation. I am still in my office suit. My sister is dressed up formally for her work that's starting from 5 to 10. She is the one picking the gift and I am just standing in the corner, being perceived by the salesmen as the guy with the cash...

"7amatak ya zalameh..oktobelha 'allah ykhaleelna iyaki ya set il habayeb' " (dude, she is your mother in law. Write: "May God Bless you and grant you everlasting health") he goes once again to reiterate his point.

I snap at him: "DUDE, SHE IS NOT MY WIFE. She is my sister. Do you see me wearing a God-damn ring?"

"but...but..you..."

"I know...we don't look like it" were my last words before I left the shop leaving the guy stunned.

Story 2

We are in Hurgada in Egypt. In 2 hour time, we will be leaving the city. Whereas everybody is busy backpacking, my sister all of a sudden remembers that she has few gifts to buy for her friends back home. So she asks me to accompany her. What for? Yes, you guessed it. The portable ATM.

Apparently, my sister had specific requirements as she was looking for the evil eye amulet and for quranic verses carved on the artifacts. Her requirements were very hard to find especially since the market is targeting European tourists who are more interested in buying items from the pharaoh era and other cultural items that talk more about the history & culture of Egypt. After visiting the 11^th shop, my sister expressed her frustration in the wrong way when she said:

"Shu had? Ma3andkom gheir hal ASNAM?" (what's this...you only sell statues?)

Note: "ASNAM" is such an ancient word used in the dark ages before Islam to refer to all forms of idols and statues that were worshipped in those days.

In other words, my sister has stepped over the line and has magnificently insulted the history and culture of the hosting country.

The salesman didn't let this pass through. His eyes widened and he expressed his dissatisfaction saying:
"ASNAM eih ya ro7 ommek, da tareeekh, da 7adara" (how dare you offend me like that? This is our heritage, our history)

Me being the meditator: "hey man, she didn't mean to. Take it easy..."

"rabena yakhdek..inshalla tegeeki la3ent il fara3na. Imshi itla3 barra inta wi sa7betak min il ma7al bita3ee..mosh 3ayez ashoofkom tani" (May the curse of the Pharaohs follow you wherever you go. Go and take your girlfriend and get the hell out of my shop)

Woo....what the...? oh that's just great. That's all I need to make my life perfect. The curse of the Pharaohs.

Wait..did he just say "your girlfriend?"

Damn you genetic disparity.