Why I no longer hang out with my sister

Story 1

Its mom's birthday and we need to buy her a gift. As soon as I finish work, I pass by the house to pick my sister up. We go together and each one of us decide to buy a separate gift. My sister buys a skin care set from body shop. Then we go to another beauty shop near by called "FACES" where I asked my sister to check out what they have and pick my gift. I was not in the mood to check out what they have. So she explained to the salesman that she needs a gift for her mom (note that she didn't mention "our" mom). After a while, we both mutually agree on buying "Calvin Klein Euphoria Perfume Gift Set".

So, I ask the salesman to wrap the gift while I try to come up with something creative to write on the greeting card for my mom. The salesman did the wrapping and I was still clueless. Usually, I am very creative when I am in the mood. But if I am not, then forget it.

The salesman trying to be cool around me goes like: "shu ya zalameh...mosh 3aref toktob la 7amatak" (come on man, don't you know what to write for your mother-in law?)

What did he just say? Ok, I am gonna ignore him. I re-assess my situation. I am still in my office suit. My sister is dressed up formally for her work that's starting from 5 to 10. She is the one picking the gift and I am just standing in the corner, being perceived by the salesmen as the guy with the cash...

"7amatak ya zalameh..oktobelha 'allah ykhaleelna iyaki ya set il habayeb' " (dude, she is your mother in law. Write: "May God Bless you and grant you everlasting health") he goes once again to reiterate his point.

I snap at him: "DUDE, SHE IS NOT MY WIFE. She is my sister. Do you see me wearing a God-damn ring?"

"but...but..you..."

"I know...we don't look like it" were my last words before I left the shop leaving the guy stunned.

Story 2

We are in Hurgada in Egypt. In 2 hour time, we will be leaving the city. Whereas everybody is busy backpacking, my sister all of a sudden remembers that she has few gifts to buy for her friends back home. So she asks me to accompany her. What for? Yes, you guessed it. The portable ATM.

Apparently, my sister had specific requirements as she was looking for the evil eye amulet and for quranic verses carved on the artifacts. Her requirements were very hard to find especially since the market is targeting European tourists who are more interested in buying items from the pharaoh era and other cultural items that talk more about the history & culture of Egypt. After visiting the 11th shop, my sister expressed her frustration in the wrong way when she said:

"Shu had? Ma3andkom gheir hal ASNAM?" (what's this...you only sell statues?)

Note: "ASNAM" is such an ancient word used in the dark ages before Islam to refer to all forms of idols and statues that were worshipped in those days.

In other words, my sister has stepped over the line and has magnificently insulted the history and culture of the hosting country.

The salesman didn't let this pass through. His eyes widened and he expressed his dissatisfaction saying:
"ASNAM eih ya ro7 ommek, da tareeekh, da 7adara" (how dare you offend me like that? This is our heritage, our history)

Me being the meditator: "hey man, she didn't mean to. Take it easy..."

"rabena yakhdek..inshalla tegeeki la3ent il fara3na. Imshi itla3 barra inta wi sa7betak min il ma7al bita3ee..mosh 3ayez ashoofkom tani" (May the curse of the Pharaohs follow you wherever you go. Go and take your girlfriend and get the hell out of my shop)

Woo....what the...? oh that's just great. That's all I need to make my life perfect. The curse of the Pharaohs.

Wait..did he just say "your girlfriend?"

Damn you genetic disparity.

15 comments:

Ms Loala said...

The curse of the Pharaohs, huh!
You know, these things can get you killed ....

So basically, when you die by the Pharaohs curse, it is because of that Egyptian guy.
And who made that guy angry? your sister.

So, basically, your ultimate cause of death is your sister.

Just another reason why you should not hang out with her :P

lost within said...

lloooolll !! yea , u shudn't be hanging out with her ! If sum1 did the asnam part in front of me I would have left him or her and went out of the shop b karamtee :P

I never thought about why my younger brother refuses to go shopping with me ! I think umma go ask him that !!

KJ said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

You're sooooooooooooo cursed man! hahahahah

7aki Fadi said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHA MAN! That is sooooo funny.

Asnam? I have bot heard this word for ages! So she calls is sanam and you get the curse? so not fair.

Qwaider قويدر said...

LOL!!!
You should hang out less with your girlfriend man .. oops .. I mean sister! :D
Asnaam :D hehehehehe He must've thought you guy were Islamic fundamentalists or something.

Nora-Cassandra said...

hehehe! so how is your girlfriend or was it your wife doing these days??? :P

that is funny man! you just made laugh out loud! :D and that is great after the long day of work! thanks man! ;) and say hi to 9a7betek! ;)

Batoul A. said...

lool! My bro and I are mistaken like that too. Come on Hamza, you have to admit sisters are the best :D

Hamza said...

ms loala- well, I hope my sister won't read this. I don't want her to get ideas.

lost within - yea, I should have kept my dignity and just walked out there.

KJ - I know..and its not by any curse. its by the PHAROAH's curse

7aki Fadi - even my sister surprised me when she said "asnam". I can't blame the store owner

qwaider- thank God there weren't any tourists around or we'll be doomed.

nora cassandra- lol. She still begs me to go out with her shopping and I still refuse. I don't want any more awkwardness.

batoul.a - well, I prefer to think of it as brothers are the best. :P

Sam said...

LOL well i hope u learned your lesson...no hanging out with sister..of course it is too late..u r already curse..watch your back!

Noura said...

well,happy birthday to your mom :) did she like the gift you picked for her ??

Those stories happens all the time with siblings..Now they are annoying but trust me one day in the future you will look back and smile.. I haven't seen my brother in 3years,and it brings great pleasure to remember quit a few of embarrassing situations we've been through..

and hi to your sweet sister :)

eshda3wa said...

hahahahaha
my god hilarious!
looool

Hamza said...

sam - yea, maybe i see the result of my curse when I am around you next time. :P

noura - as usual, you are the understanding, lovely person who sees the rosy side in these things. Yes mom liked the gift and I'll pass your regards to my sister. hope you'll meet ur brother one day. :)

eshda3wa - I hope you don't have the same thing with your bro.

asoom said...

next time why don't you just give her the money so you don't have to be there?

Life said...

hehehe.. does your sister read your blog :D .. Lets Hope she doesnt!
I keep saying I wont hang out with my little brother Either because he likes to play the mom-son game out.. and everyone gets the feeling that he is my son!
Isnt that worst curse to freak out any guy! :D

Moey said...

hahahahahahahaha! dude, you cracked me up, like seriously!

I'm sorry for you, I act like your sister with my sisters.