Cab drivers in Jordan

My last trip to Jordan confirmed my theory about cab drivers . I had many horrible stories with this unique class of the society including those of my brother that would just blow your mind away.

I could tell you about the time I came back home with my burnt tomato face. My mom would question me if I went to the pool or not because last time she checked, I was supposedly meeting up with friends in Jordanian University Campus. She didn't know that I remained stuck for over FIFTY damned minutes under the merciless sun of August at noon. Cab drivers would never stop for me yet they stop for the girls just waiting behind me. I reached a stage where I wished I was a girl and allow myself to be molested. Just get me home. Damn it.

After minutes of waiting, a cab driver would slow down and before I open up my mouth, he goes like: "isma3 ya khali, sweifeyeh bagarebesh 3aleiha, wil rabyeh bafoothash, wi 3abdun 7alef yameen ma afoootha, wi shmesani azmeh mosh tabe3yeh wil balad wi jabal il Hussein manteqa mal3ooneh..bansharet feeeha 3 marrat bi hal shahr. Allah la ywafeqha hal 7okoomeh 3ala hal torgat. 3al 3afyeh. "…and he left without giving me a chance to explain myself. Why the hell did you stop in the first place?

On other occasions, cab drivers would just pass by me and give me signals like tilting his head and putting it on 2 hands (note that he is doing that while driving) to signal me that he is going to sleep, or pointing his hand to his mouth signaling he is going to eat.

The other day, I tried imagining myself in my brother's shoes when he was with the 'high' cab driver. According to my brother's narration, the guy had red eyes and was so hyper and was dancing with his car on the tunes of George Wassuf. Windows are open and he screams to all the pedestrians on the street: "Allah ye7ayee aslak ya abu wadeeeeeeeeee3"…car screeches to scare some pedestrians on the side road before going back to main road etc etc. Must have been one hell of a death ride.

Or the other time, my brother was riding with the taxi of 'Abu Ahmad' (we figured out his name later). On the way to dropping my brother, the driver gets a call:

"ah ya um Ahmad…..aaaaaah..ya2alla kef nseet….khalas bamorrek hassa Kaman 10 dagayeg" ("yes Um Ahmad..ooh, how could I forget? I'll be there in 10 minutes")

So the driver changes his route and without even consulting my brother, he goes to his house and picks up his wife and 5 of his kids.

"Ma3lesh yaba inta wiya..o3od 3ala 7odon 3ammak hoan"

My brother shows up with 2 sore legs half an hour later than scheduled and vowing he'll never ever ride with cab drivers.

All of this and yet you haven't heard the worst story that I had around 3 years ago when I wanted to see my cousin in sweifeyeh. After waiting for 10 minutes or so, I rode with the first one who picked me up. He was jumpy and voluntarily offered to give me "panadol' pills for my headache. Of course, I am not a kid anymore. Who was he trying to dope?

Minutes later, he checks my cellphone out and winks at me saying:

"so show me what interesting videos and pictures you have"

"what kind of pictures and videos you want?"

"you know..illi bali balak"

"I have none"

"oh come oon. Send"

I take a look at his cellphone. His model supports Bluetooth and not infra-red

"I don't have Bluetooth. I only have infra-red."

"huh…what's that?"

Oh damn..I wanted to close the subject but now I had to explain to him about infra-red.

As we were in Abdullah Ghoshe's street, a lady walking her daughter screamed at the driver: "3ajebtak il bent ah?..wa7ad mabtesta7ee 3ala dammak ya aleel il zou2"

The driver got pissed. Instead of taking left, he took a U-turn:

"DUDE, sweifeyeh on left…why did you take left?"

"bedi arja3elha hal Ga7*** heye wi bintha il sha*****. Bedi arabeehom"

"dude, its ur fault. You started it..you were the one STARING at the girl"

"its her fault. Mosh 3arfe trabee bintha illi btedala3 wi mashie bil zalet"

"DUDE, both of them are scarved. What are you talking about?"

He went back to swear at them and give them inappropriate hand gestures. I couldn't believe that I was seeing this. I wanted to leave the cab but I was already late. Finding another one would take me ages. Before reaching our destination, he stopped at HARDEEZ.

"that's not where we agreed to drop me. That's not sweifeyeh"

"I know..but sweifeyeh is 5 minutes walking from here. I gotta go."

"What do you mean you gotta go? I told you to drop me there"

"I promised to pick the lady standing there".

"what do you mean you promised? The lady just showed up. You know what? That's it. I am out of here" I stormed out of the cab not paying my fare.

15 minutes later, I see my cousin who bombards me with: "I have been here for 20 minutes. Why are you late? What's wrong with you? Why are you sweating? You look pissed."

"nevermind. I wanna forget about it"

3 hours later, I am in a better mood and as we decide to bid each other farewell, my cousin goes like:

"hey we could give you a ride. My friend has this CAB and he can…oh you are fuming again? Did I say something wrong…AAAAKH..stay away from…I am suffoca…eeeh"

Thank God I am not in jail.