Speaking out of Bitterness

As I was thinking for the last 2 days on this, I couldn't help myself from releasing few tears that represent only a fraction of the frustration and bitterness I have. It is the bitterness feeling I am having with a very special close person who has inspired me lately. It is the return of a feeling that have shattered my heart with 2 of my close friends

On one of the days, I walked to a bar. One of the guys I knew pissed me off when I denied his offer for a drink as I don't drink. He said: "why would you go to a bar if you don't drink?". While he might be relatively right, I don't believe that the ONLY way to have fun in a bar is in being drunk. Ok, I am a person who does not smoke sheesha, or drink coffee (you'll find here all the things I don't do). Does this mean that I should ban myself from entering cafés or coffee shops. Can't I enjoy the food, cocktails, desserts or even the ambient decorations of the place?

As I've stated before, I am personally never fond of potential addictive material (my list goes here)… I personally NEVER ever tried them. And it was not out of religious reasons as much as out of personal reasons of knowing how weak I'll become. I am known for my high addictiveness and possessiveness level. And if I like any of the above (and I know I will), then I could easily get hooked and extremely become dependent on them. And if I try to quit and fail, then I'll become extremely depressed especially since I am extremely harsh on myself when it comes to self-criticism.

Don't misunderstand me. I am not one of those who call for a campaign to ban drugs, alcohol, sheesha, or cigarettes. On the contrary, I respect my uncle who smokes his cigarettes only on occasions. He would go for days or even weeks not smoking one. And he'll only smoke if there is a celebration, a birthday party, anniversary or an Eid. I admire one of my friends who only smoke his cigars when he is in the mood. He would organize his room to make it more like a jazz lounge and just sit there to read a book, enjoy the music and smoke his classy cigars.

I am just against the way how some use them as stress-relievers, or because of peer pressure, or just for the sake of doing something "crazy" or unusual. If they are used for any of the above reasons, then the person who start by saying: "only a puff. I'll never smoke one by myself" to "only one. Not more" to "only few. But I'll never buy a pack" to the extreme end of "wait..Why am I not holding one in my hand?". I just despise those who fall to the dependency webs of those addictiveness pleasures that can be a source of joy rather than as means of lying to themselves that it lessens the stress.

I have witnessed two of my best friends slip away liked that. As I said, it started with both of them saying "trust me, I know what I am doing. I am doing it for fun. I won't get hooked". As the days passed, I witnessed how they slowly changed and how they began losing their core values and became prisoners of their new addictive habits.

So hamza, I ask myself, don't you think you are exaggerating? I might be. All I need is one successful story of a person who managed to free him/herself from those devouring tentacles and became the one in control rather than be controlled.

This is just a sample of the disappointments I have witnessed in my life. I feel I can no longer trust people. "I believe in you" is such an over-rated phrase. I am losing my faith in humans. In fact, I shall perish being ashamed to be belonging to this idiotic species. I don't know what it will take to restore my faith in humanity, if it exists…