Human Body’s Utensils

At first, it was embarrassing. But now its annoying. I am talking about justifying myself when I am put in that awkward situation in which I have to attend one of those traditional (yet unusual for me) lunch/dinner invitations. I wouldn't be able to count the dozens of times that I haven't eaten lunch coz I am not following the eating habits that constitute part of the food culture for meals such as Kabsa, Biryani and Mandi.

The toughest experience out of it all was the traditional dinner organized on the night before the wedding for my cousin where they serve "MANSAF" (traditional Jordanian Food) to guests where you MUST eat or it'll be considered a sign of disrespect. Little did I know that I would have traded disrespect by miles for the humiliation that I suffered later that night.

The platters arrived. Few were served to us the men standing at the roof while the rest has went to the women sitting inside. With 6 guests standing on each plate, the plate is being assaulted with hands that mix the Jameed with rice like a Sheppard who enjoys slowly castrating his sheep. It's a technique that I never learned and that I never intend on.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not that sophisticated person who follows the high etiquette standard. I'd always eat pizza with my hand even if I am sitting in a luxurious restaurant. Its just I can't imagine myself eating with my hand. So I dared and did the unexpected…

"Can I have a spoon here?"

The world has gone mute. Plain faces with eye sight converging to one focal point...and the only thought that this focal point is thinking is how to self-implode as quickly as possible.

What's even worse is that I have attracted people to my other sin. That is…eating with my left hand..Or to be more specific, using the spoon with my left hand. I couldn't stop the horrified people who approach me to tell me for the trillionth time the saying "oh..YOU EAT WITH YOUR LEFT? Didn't you know that the Prophet (pbuh) said….(bla bla bla bla)" and "if you eat with your left, the devil eats with you"…yea right…no wonder I never get full. I mean, its just another symmetrical hand to the other blessed one and I don't think God is silly enough that on Day of Judgement He'll go like "ah..good boy…you did Hajj, you prayed, you fasted..ooh wait, you ate with your left, you are going to Hell".

Despite all this, I continued my blasphemed eating habit as the disgusted looks never stopped staring at the first guy in the history of the town who has dared to violate the rules of eating Mansaf. For me, it was just another time to daydream and seclude myself from the whole world specifically from those who whispered with shame "only women eat with spoons"

And that was the story of the last time I attended a mansaf served in a wedding. I am warning you..If I ever get married, I am bringing Pizza Hut for lunch. :D